There are no guarantees that life will turn out the way you want… but you have a better chance of it turning out how you want if you know how to design your own life.

I like the image of an architect designing a building by first laying out the blueprints. Or a writer outlining a book starting with the table of contents. The ability to create from scratch is a powerful feeling. The house emerges from a sheet of drawings. The book takes shape from the imagination of the writer.

Can you really design your own life in much the same way the architect designs a house and the writer designs a book? I don’t know if we can design every aspect of our lives because we have certain fixed and certain variable aspects.

For example, we cannot change our upbringing: the parents, siblings, education, childhood experiences, and all that went on before you came to this awareness of your ability to design your life. All that happened in the past has shaped who you are today, so you will need to start designing your life from this point forward.
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Tags: Success & Habits // 8 Comments »

[Please note: I originally published this article on Pick The Brain back in March. I thought it would be appropriate to republish it - with a few minor tweaks - given the current financial meltdown on Wall Street]

Unless you have been living under a rock, you will know there are some major problems in the world’s financial markets at the moment. Working for a global bank, I guess you could say I have a front row seat for this debacle that in recent days has worsened with the stunning collapse of Bear Stearns (Update: and all the other recent collapses! There are too many to mention now….).

Much of what I have read has blamed Wall Street for turning the problems related to subprime lending into a major global problem. But I also recently read this Newsweek article where a former mortgage broker shares his insights into the fraud and greed that has plagued his former industry:

Lenders… which underwrote loans offered up by brokers and resold them to giants like Countrywide, spent much of their workdays trying to spot the stupid tricks brokers routinely used to get unqualified borrowers approved for loans. They’d say a buyer intended to live in a house when it was really an investment property. They’d falsify the buyer’s income by having a relative pose as his employer, or use scanners and software to forge W-2 forms. They’d find ways to hide debts (like a car payment) by looking for a credit report that omitted key data. They also routinely gamed the appraisal system, encouraging appraisers to look for “comparables” that were far nicer homes in better neighborhoods—all in an effort to drive up the appraised value of the home they were mortgaging.

Perhaps because I know a lot of people in this industry, this article really got me thinking about wealth and the ways in which we go about trying to accumulate it.

Greed and shady business dealings are obviously nothing new, but what are we to make of them? And how does it relate to personal growth?

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Tags: Money // 11 Comments »

Bannister in the lead.

In 1952 a young English runner named Roger Gilbert Bannister found himself in the 1500m final. The race was to prove one of the most dramatic in Olympic history, and the outcome was not decided until the final metres. Bannister finished a disappointing fourth. Over the next two months Bannister considered a number of dramatic changes to his training; and even the idea of giving up running altogether. To say he was frustrated is an understatement. Ultimately, he decided on a new goal - he would run a mile in less than four minutes. At that time, nobody had ever achieved this. In fact, this was several seconds faster than the world record. Over the next couple of years he gradually took slices off his times. By the start of 1954 he was running a mile in just over 4min2secs. The day that was to change his life came in May 1954, during a meet in Oxford. In front of 3,000 incredulous spectators, Bannister ran the mile in 3min 59.4sec. He had finally done it.

A new way of thinking

The astonishing part is not just Bannister’s achievement (although that’s a big thing in itself); it’s how quickly other runners were breaking the same barrier. Just 46 days later - in a meet in Turku, Finland - Australian John Landy broke the record with a 3m57.9s . Others soon followed. This to me outlines the power of a mental barrier to limit goals; particularly when it comes to fitness. The fact that something hasn’t been done certainly doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It also highlights the importance of putting hard numbers in the goal. Whenever I’ve tried to ‘lose a few kilos‘, ‘increase my overall strength‘, ‘run without gasping for breath‘ I’ve seen slight improvements at best. Aiming to ‘lose 10kg‘, ‘deadlift 200kg‘ etc has proven far more effective.
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Tags: Health & Fitness // 9 Comments »

Image courtesy of Joel Bedford.

Throughout much of our lives, instead of following our bliss, we’re busy trying to avoid being seen a certain way.  Perhaps we’re designing our lives to make sure we aren’t perceived as selfish, arrogant, weak, incompetent or something else.  Whatever way we don’t want others to see us, the compulsion to make sure others don’t think of us like that feels overwhelming.  Our anxiety about being viewed the wrong way can be so intense that it’s almost as if we’d be hurt or destroyed if others ever learned the “awful truth” about us.

We don’t want people to hold these beliefs about us because, on some level, we’re convinced that those beliefs are true.  We’d have no reason to fear someone calling us incompetent, for instance, if we didn’t have a deep-seated conviction that we actually are.  Not only that—we believe, consciously or otherwise, that if people discovered our “dark secret,” no one would want anything to do with us.  We’d be left completely alone and helpless.

Given how scary this is, it’s no surprise we put so much effort into making sure no one finds out the “awful truth” about us.  Each person’s approach to covering up their dark secret depends on what the secret is.  For instance, people who believe deep down that they’re powerless might strive to accumulate possessions and prestige to convince the world they’re actually powerful.  People who see themselves as weak might go out of their way to act tough and convince others they’re actually strong.  People who think of themselves as insignificant may talk loudly and incessantly to make sure others know that they matter.  And so on. [Click here to read more →]

Tags: Personal Growth // 24 Comments »

Image courtesy of JuJuly25

Yesterday was a day like any other.  I met with clients and helped them resolve their issues, did some invoicing and then went for my evening jog.  I was a little tired, but made myself change my clothes, grab my iPod and head out the door.

About halfway through the jog I started thinking about my recent dedication to some key areas of my life.  I’ve completely dropped desserts, started getting up at 4:30am to work on my blog and almost never miss a day of exercise.  Why is this?  What changed?  It wasn’t too long ago that I drudged through my work day and only attempted to squeeze in a jog or bike ride once or twice a week.  The thought of getting up before 7am was something I never even considered.

By now my jog is almost over and I almost let the thought go unfinished.  But as I started heading up the last big hill and was really feeling the burn, it hit me.  What changed was the strength of my resolve. My desire to be successful, live healthy and make the most out of every day had suddenly become stronger than the rest.  When a temptation to give in came my way, it was suddenly weaker than my drive to hold true to my current heading.  At this point it all become very clear.

You know how they always say, “You can’t just stop doing one thing without replacing it with another”?  This is because we are always being pulled in a particular direction.  Our minds are never neutral, but always seeking something.  It is that ’something’ with the strongest pull that your mind will be drawn to.  So, for example, if you ‘just can’t quit smoking’, it’s not a matter of can or can’t, but what is of greater value to you in your mind.  If you can’t quit, it’s because there’s nothing in your mind that is stronger than your desire to smoke.  Find a stronger desire and defeat the habit.  But how do you find a stronger desire?
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Tags: Personal Growth // 21 Comments »

Image courtesy of Joshua Davis

Are you comfortable with your life? Are you excelling in your life?

The majority of people can’t answer “yes” to both questions. They’re either pushing their boundaries to the limits and hence are uncomfortable, or they’ve become comfortable and stopped pushing. – Charlie Gilkey

In self growth, when we say you’re comfortable, what we really mean is that you’re not growing. You’re not stretching yourself. You’re satisfied where you are, and not making any real effort to move forward out of that situation. – David B Bohl

Growth doesn’t tend to happen when we’re feeling comfortable. In order to really change, we need to grow outside our comfort zone.

But when we’ve found something which is easy and which works, we want to carry on doing more of the same … it’s difficult to take a step into the unknown, or the uncomfortable. We convince ourselves we’re making progress (perhaps working slowly up the ladder at work, passing the next test in school, writing another blog article) – but we secretly know we’re not growing.

I’m going to think about three questions below:

1. Where are you too comfortable?
2. What makes you feel nervous?
3. How can you jump outside your comfort zone?

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Tags: Personal Growth // 21 Comments »